Latino Imposter Syndrome

By: Emily Peacock

As a teenager in 1960s Hollister, CA with colloquial Spanish as her only language, my grandma was abruptly thrown into an English-only secondary school. It was there she learned to tamp down her first language, and smooth it over like it never existed.

Lupe Gomez vowed to spare her children the harassment and struggles she endured at an English-only school. Though she went on to be a successful hairdresser, the confusion and insecurity surrounding her English as a Second Language (ESL) education led her to exclude Spanish from her children’s lives. As a result, her three daughters, and subsequently I, never learned Spanish.

Regardless of the reasoning, this experience is unfortunately a reality for many Latinos growing up in what seems to be an English-only America. Yet, in California, nearly 30% of people speak Spanish as of 2021.  Meaning, many of us have family members who we can not communicate with. 

Those of us who have grown up separated from our language suffer from what I call Latino Imposter Syndrome—a syndrome that creates a sense of not belonging to our communities.

When I joined the Anti-Racism Commitment Coalition (ARCC), I was introduced to Project Eñye, a movement started by Denise Soler Cox following the release and gradual virality of her 2015 film, Being ñ. As a Puerto Rican, she launched the film and project with the purpose of “[helping] Latinas overcome the guilt, shame, and isolation around not feeling Latina enough” as stated on the project’s website.

In the ARCC DeepDive featuring Denise Solar Cox, she explains the insecurity she felt when responding to the question: Where are you from? Since she did not speak Spanish, her own Latino family labeled her as not Puerto Rican enough. Meanwhile, she was relentlessly bullied by non-Latinos because she was not American enough. These days, she handles it differently, saying, “People try to take away my identity, which didn’t give me any power. Once I reclaimed the power [of being Latina], no one tried to take it away.” Her philosophy is to stand firm in the identity you feel closest to, even if others try to challenge it. Coming from a place of uncertainty about my language abilities, this mindset is empowering.

Fortunately, the stigma surrounding non-Spanish speaking Latinos is shifting thanks to the work done by those like Denise Solar Cox and ARCC. These days, my grandma encourages us to speak the little Spanish we’ve picked up from her because the sound brings her comfort and draws us closer together.
I’ve embraced that my identity is embedded with this cultural detail. Yes, I am Latina not despite my lack of language but because of my unique experience with it—an experience that many other Latinos share.