When My Daughters Speak - I LISTEN!

This is The ARCC of Change with Donzel Leggett, a podcast from the Anti-Racism Commitment Coalition, an organization dedicated to eradicating racism and hate and spreading anti-racism. Listen as Donzel talks about relevant topics that will inspire you and help build your capability to take action and change the world. Because none of us are doing enough as long as racism still exists. And now, here's your host, Donzel Leggett.

Donzel Leggett: Hello, and welcome to the fourth episode of Season 2 of The ARCC of Change with Donzel Leggett.

In this episode, I will share the feedback I received from my daughters about ARCC that made me realize our mission may not be as clear to everyone as it should be. Then, I will use this feedback to explain simply and concisely what ARCC is all about and what is expected from its members to make the vision of a racism-free world a reality.

Now, let's get started with our show.

I am Donzel Leggett, host of The ARCC of Change podcast and founder of the Anti-Racism Commitment Coalition, or ARCC. Our vision is to build a racism-free world, and our mission is to provide inspiration, education, and support for you to transform, practice, and spread anti-racism.

This begins with our process of personally transforming ourselves to become anti-racist. There are three steps.

First, erasing your ignorance about racism and hate. Second, educating yourself about anti-racism. And third, building the character and confidence to stand up, speak out, and take action to spread anti-racism and make positive change happen.

As you know, I start every episode with that vision and mission. My intent is to provide clarity about what we do and how we do it at ARCC.

Recently, however, I had a very heated discussion with two of my daughters that opened my eyes to the fact that our vision, mission, and—more importantly—our message and the perception of ARCC may be clear to me, but not necessarily to everyone else. In fact, people may not have a particularly good perception of what we're doing.

I have three daughters, and this discussion was with my two youngest. When I say young, I don't mean children. They're 20 and 24—young adults with good perspectives, if I'm willing to listen.

I like to think that I am willing to listen, that I welcome feedback, and that I actively seek it out so I can get better, continuously improve, and keep learning.

But I have to be honest: I was surprised by their feedback. It caught me off guard and seemed to come out of nowhere. I hadn't really thought about or heard their perspectives in this way before.

Obviously, I have very strong emotional ties to ARCC, having founded the organization and led it since we started in the fall of 2020. So I pushed back. I wanted to make sure I understood the feedback they were giving me. But it probably felt more like I was questioning their feedback, even though I was listening.

Both of them had similar things to say, but their perspectives weren't exactly the same. They differed slightly, so they weren't even entirely on the same page. Still, their comments highlighted an important perception that others might have of ARCC's message.

According to my younger daughter, the message could push people away.

Her concern was that ARCC might be telling people that if they did one specific thing at one specific time—such as voting for a particular candidate or buying products from certain companies—and the organization viewed that choice as supporting racism, then those people would be branded as racist forever.

That was essentially her message. I didn't agree with that interpretation, but I understood where she was coming from.

I also wanted to talk to my older daughter, who hadn't been part of that discussion and is a very active ARCC volunteer. She's a board member and leads our marketing organization.

When I approached her, she told me that her two younger sisters had already contacted her, so she knew exactly what the conversation was about.

I asked what she thought. Her perspective was actually the opposite of what I had heard from her sisters.

She explained that ARCC isn't saying what they thought we were saying. We're encouraging people to transform by having conversations with people in their networks, educating them about racism, helping them understand what racism is, and supporting their transformation toward anti-racism.

People can do this at their own pace. But at some point, we do have to say something. We have to stand up, speak out, and take action to help others transform.

Of course, that made me feel good because her perspective aligned with what I believed. But after thinking about it longer, I realized the fact that was staring me in the face.

My older daughter is deeply involved with ARCC. She leads our marketing organization and works on our messaging all the time. Naturally, she would understand and be more aligned with how we approach things.

But the important point was that all three of my daughters had different perceptions of what ARCC was supposed to be about. That meant there was clearly confusion about our message.

I had to listen to all three of my daughters, not just the one whose perspective aligned with mine. Their perceptions were real to them. Their perceptions were their realities, and there were three different realities.

I had to face the fact that if my daughters—people who are extremely close to me—had vastly different perspectives of ARCC, then other people would have different perceptions, too. That includes people who aren't related to me, don't work within my family, don't know me personally, and may only encounter ARCC through our posts, our website, or hearing about us from someone else.

That means I haven't done a good enough job explaining what ARCC is truly about and communicating it in a way that's clear.

I've had what I consider some really good podcasts, each beginning with our vision and mission and featuring guests who hopefully bring the transformation we're seeking to life. But clearly, if confusion exists within my own family, I haven't done a good enough job.

I need to listen when my daughters speak and take their feedback seriously.

So I'd like to dedicate the rest of this episode to explaining simply and concisely what ARCC is all about and what we expect from our members to make the vision of a racism-free world a reality.

Our vision, as I've said, is to build a racism-free world. Our mission is to provide inspiration, education, and support so you can practice and spread anti-racism.

We do this by helping you erase your ignorance about racism, build your knowledge through education about anti-racism, and develop the character and confidence to spread anti-racism.

We talk about spreading that message one person at a time, or one friend group or network at a time, with the effect of exponential network growth.

We know that saying we want to create a racism-free world sounds incredibly difficult, perhaps even impossible. But our view at ARCC is that we can accomplish this by leveraging exponential network growth.

In other words, you tell a friend something, that friend tells another friend, and the message continues spreading. You can make the impact even greater by reaching a group of people—perhaps ten people in your family or friend group—and influencing them to do the same thing.

You educate them, help them erase their ignorance about racism, teach them about anti-racism, and give them the confidence to spread the message. If they then do the same within their own networks, you go from one person to ten, from ten to one hundred, from one hundred to one thousand, and so on.

That's how we believe we can eradicate racism from the world.

But it's important that we're clear about our message. If we're asking people to spread it across different friend groups and networks, everyone needs to feel included.

That's why we have five core values, which are displayed on our website. They help ensure that we're open to everyone. We're not saying, "Because you're part of this group or did something yesterday, you're not welcome." That isn't true.

Our first core value is that we're a global organization. All races, ethnicities, and nationalities are welcome to join ARCC. We have people from different backgrounds in our organization and on our board.

Second, all genders, sexual orientations, and gender identities are welcome. We welcome all pronouns and LGBTQIA+ people. Members of these communities are part of ARCC.

Third, we welcome all political views. Regardless of their political views, we ask members to vote for and support people who also support anti-racism. We have members with different political views, both in the United States and around the world.

Fourth, we welcome all religions. Whether you're Hindu, Catholic, Christian of any denomination, Buddhist, agnostic, atheist, or part of another faith or belief system, we want you to be part of the Anti-Racism Commitment Coalition. We already have members from many different religions. No one is turned away because of their religion.

As I said earlier, it doesn't matter what you believed yesterday about racism or hate. It doesn't matter if you supported something I disagree with yesterday. Once you become aware, the question is what you decide to do going forward. You can come from any background and still be welcome in our organization.

We have a coalition of 120 committed members who are willing to display their names and pictures on our website and clearly state that they believe in anti-racism and anti-hate. They do this to inspire each other and others who visit our website.

We want members to stand up, speak out, and take action. That may mean doing what feels most difficult: working to transform the people closest to us. But those relationships can also be an advantage. We know the people close to us. We understand how they think and what they value. We can use those relationships to approach conversations thoughtfully, at a pace that feels appropriate, and help people transform.

At some point, however, we do have to take action.

Our website also provides resources to help members continue learning and developing, because none of us will ever know enough. Transforming yourself and influencing your friends, family, personal network, or people outside your network takes continuous work, practice, and support. You can't expect to do it tomorrow without preparation.

We provide relevant books and other written materials, access to videos, and access to this podcast. Every episode of the podcast is available through our website.

We also have a youth-focused talk show called The Deep Dive, with access to previous recordings. And we have Community in Action discussion events, with several recordings available on our website. These events address difficult topics and share different perspectives to help you learn and continue developing.

We believe strongly in what we're doing. We believe it's the right thing to do, and we're open to everyone joining. Our expectation is that, at some point, you will take action. We're not condemning anyone for what they've done in the past. We're asking people to learn, educate themselves, and eventually take action.

That's why we ask our members to make a commitment. We want them to understand clearly what we're trying to accomplish and what we expect from them.

If you visit our website, you'll find a commitment page outlining what we ask ARCC members to commit to.

First and foremost, we ask you to commit to transforming yourself and helping transform people in your network to become anti-racist. If your network includes two people, that's two people. If it includes twenty, that's twenty. You decide how large your network is. We ask you to commit to transforming yourself and at least one other person, at your own pace.

We ask you to commit to continuously educating yourself about the true history of the United States—or wherever you live in the world—and understanding that racism and hate have existed for a long time. If you understand history, you can help shape a future that moves away from its injustices. We cannot turn a blind eye to real history, or we risk allowing it to repeat.

We commit to speaking out about racism and taking action to eradicate it, regardless of who is listening. Some people won't like what you say. They won't always like what I say, either. But I'm willing to face those consequences, and ARCC members must be willing to face them, too.

We commit to never allowing racist dog whistles to go unchallenged. If people in your network say something you know is wrong—whether it's directed at a racial, religious, or ethnic group, someone whose body size or shape doesn't fit another person's preference, or LGBTQ+ people—we can't let those comments stand unchallenged as ARCC members. We need to say something, educate people, and challenge them about what is wrong and what is right.

We commit to always voting for candidates who stand for anti-racism and using our votes against candidates who support racist or hateful policies.

We commit to using our money as a tool to promote anti-racism. That means supporting businesses that publicly take a stand against hate and racism, and not spending our money with businesses that remain silent or support causes we know to be racist or hateful.

Finally, we commit to publicly supporting ARCC by displaying our pictures and commitment statements on our coalition page. Again, this is meant to inspire one another and encourage prospective members to join.

I've said a lot, but here's the bottom line.

Our vision is to end racism. Our way of achieving that is to commit to learning, transforming ourselves, standing up, speaking out, taking action, and attracting, recruiting, and helping transform other members.

Our focus is on people who are willing to transform. We know there are people who aren't ready or willing to hear these messages right now. But there are others who are willing to listen, or who simply don't know whether they're open to these conversations because they haven't had them.

Those are the people we're trying to reach: people in your network who may have different views but are open to conversation. Those people may be members of your family or your friend group.

The key to ARCC is that, at some point, you have to take action. You have to stand up. You have to speak out. You have to do something.

We cannot remain silent or simply do nothing. Saying you're not racist, claiming that color doesn't matter or that racism doesn't exist, and then refusing to stand up against racism actually supports racism. Being silent in the face of hate endorses hate.

All of us at ARCC are everyday people trying to do our part. We recognize that this is hard work, but it's necessary work.

It's especially necessary for those of us who are fortunate enough to live in suburbs or nicer urban areas, have good jobs, and send our children to good schools. We're often the people who can afford to stand up, speak out, and take action. Yet many of us choose not to because we feel we have something to lose.

People who promote racism and hate count on that fear to keep us silent. They count on our fear that if we speak out, someone will say something bad about us, some friends will disagree, our friendships will become uncomfortable, or we might even lose those friendships. They count on the fear that people will attack us publicly, shame us, or target us on social media.

But we cannot give in to that fear. We must overcome it to defeat racism, hate, and injustice. Otherwise, they will win.

This is what ARCC is about. We must stand up, speak out, and take action.

Listen to this audio from a video that went viral on social media last week. It features a Michigan state senator named Mallory McMorrow. When I heard it, I thought, "That's what we do." It illustrates brilliantly what ARCC and its members are trying to develop in ourselves so that we can do it regularly.

Take a listen.

Mallory McMorrow: Thank you, Mr. President.

I didn't expect to wake up yesterday to the news that the senator from the 22nd District had accused me by name of grooming and sexualizing children in an email fundraising for herself.

So I sat with it for a while, wondering, "Why me?"

Then I realized: because I am the biggest threat to your hollow, hateful scheme. You can't claim that you're targeting marginalized kids in the name of "parental rights" if another parent is standing up to say no.

So what happens next? You dehumanize and marginalize me. You say I'm one of them. You say she's a groomer. She supports pedophilia. She wants children to believe they're responsible for slavery and to feel bad about themselves because they're white.

Well, here's a little background about who I really am.

Growing up, my family was very active in our church. I sang in the choir. My mom taught CCD. One day, our priest called a meeting with my mom and told her she wasn't living up to the church's expectations and that she was disappointing.

My mom asked why. Among other reasons, she was told it was because she was divorced and because the priest didn't see her at Mass every Sunday.

So where was my mom on Sundays? She was at the soup kitchen with me.

My mom taught me at a very young age that Christianity and faith were about being part of a community, recognizing our privilege and blessings, and doing what we can to serve others—especially people who are marginalized, targeted, and have less, often unfairly.

I learned that service was far more important than performative nonsense, like being seen in the same pew every Sunday or writing "Christian" in your Twitter bio and using it as a shield to target and marginalize people who are already marginalized.

I also stand on the shoulders of people like Father Ted Hesburgh, the longtime president of the University of Notre Dame. He was active in the civil rights movement. He recognized his power and privilege as a white man, a faith leader, and the head of an influential and respected institution. He saw Black people in this country being targeted, discriminated against, and beaten, and he reached out to lock arms with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. while King was alive.

At a time when it was unpopular and risky, he marched alongside them to say, "We've got you," offering protection, service, and allyship to help right wrongs and fix injustice in the world.

So who am I?

I am a straight, white, Christian, married, suburban mom who knows that the idea that learning about slavery, redlining, or systemic racism somehow means children are being taught to feel bad or hate themselves because they're white is absolute nonsense.

No child alive today is responsible for slavery. No one in this room is responsible for slavery. But each and every one of us bears responsibility for writing the next chapter of history. Each of us decides what happens next and how we respond to history and the world around us.

We are not responsible for the past. We also cannot change the past. But we can't pretend it didn't happen or deny people their very right to exist.

I am a straight, white, Christian, married, suburban mom. I want my daughter to know that she is loved, supported, and seen for whoever she becomes. I want her to be curious, empathetic, and kind.

People who are different are not the reason our roads are in bad shape after decades of disinvestment, health care costs are too high, or teachers are leaving the profession.

I want every child in this state to feel seen, heard, and supported—not marginalized and targeted because they aren't straight, white, and Christian.

We cannot let hateful people tell you otherwise to scapegoat and deflect from the fact that they aren't doing anything to fix the real issues affecting people's lives.

And I know that hate will only win if people like me stand by and let it happen.

So I want to be very clear right now. Call me whatever you want. I hope you brought in a few dollars. I hope it made you sleep well last night.

I know who I am. I know what faith and service mean and what they call for in this moment.

We will not let hate win.

Donzel Leggett: So why did this go viral? Not because the senator expressed new or brilliant ideas, but because very few people are willing to risk something—whether it's popularity, their standing in the community, their business, or their friendships—to say something like this.

It takes courage and character to speak out, stand up, and take action against the racist systems that exist in this country.

What really got people's attention was that this message came from a typical white mom, as she described herself—a white, middle-class woman from the suburbs. She refused to remain silent. She rejected the idea that you can be a good person without speaking out against wrongdoing, racism, and hate.

She was willing to stand up for what was right, regardless of who agreed with her. She knew she would be attacked; she had already been attacked. She knew that speaking out might bring even more attacks, but she was willing to give something up to stand for what was right and help build a better society.

She's modeling what ARCC stands for.

Do you have to do what she did, speak in front of a large group, run for office, and address the Senate? No.

Do you have to call a community meeting, speak in front of hundreds of people, or record a speech and share it on social media like I did? No.

But as you learn, you must change your behavior and be willing to stand up, speak out, and take action—or, at the very least, take action with the people in your immediate network.

That might mean working with just one person: a family member, a friend, or someone who knows and trusts you. Educate them, share your views, and work to help them transform.

As I've said, they may have had a completely different view before, and they may still have a different view today. They may have voted for someone you disagreed with. They may want to spend their money with companies you don't support because of those companies' positions on certain policies.

The question—and what we're trying to accomplish at ARCC—is whether you can have conversations with these people, start by educating one person, and influence them to begin the transformation process.

This is what ARCC is about: members doing the work to transform themselves and then spreading anti-racism.

You cannot do that by remaining silent.

Again, does voting for a candidate who promotes racist and hateful policies or systems automatically mean you're a racist or a proponent of hate? I'm going to keep saying this to make it clear: no, it does not.

But once you're aware of what those candidates support, you cannot keep voting for them. You cannot continue supporting people who support hate. You must stand for anti-racism.

Does spending money with companies that promote racism and hateful policies or systems—or that remain silent—automatically make you a racist or a proponent of hate? No. I'll say it again to make sure this is clear.

But once you're aware of what those companies support, you cannot continue spending your money with them. Doing so supports racist and hateful policies.

Let me give you an example.

I love shrimp. Everyone who knows me knows that. I'm from Key West, and I grew up eating seafood. I love shrimp and seafood.

I used to buy shrimp without thinking much about where it came from. I'd look for the best price. It could come from the United States, South America, the Caribbean, or Asia. As long as it tasted good and was on sale, I would buy it.

Then I learned something I hadn't known before: shrimp farmed in some Asian countries, particularly Thailand, could be fed with feed harvested using slave labor.

Immigrants from other countries might travel to Thailand or elsewhere in search of a better life, believing they have been promised an opportunity. Instead, they can be taken out to sea on boats that collect materials used to produce feed for farmed shrimp and forced to work in terrible conditions. I learned that there were even reports of people being tortured and killed if they refused to work.

Modern-day slavery connected to shrimp production. I couldn't accept that.

Once I became aware of it, I immediately stopped buying shrimp from Thailand and other Asian countries that might be associated with the practice. In fact, I stopped buying farmed shrimp altogether unless it came from the United States, because I wasn't sure where else slave labor might be involved. I didn't want to support it.

Did buying shrimp from Thailand before I knew about this make me a bad person, a racist, or a supporter of hate and slavery? No.

But if I had continued buying shrimp from those sources after learning the facts and doing my research, I would have been supporting that system of exploitation.

And I didn't stop with changing my own behavior. I began sharing my research with friends, family, and my broader network. I told them to stop buying farmed shrimp from Asia because of the slave-labor issue, particularly in Thailand. I shared the information with colleagues and other groups of friends so they could pass it along.

I refused to remain silent while people I didn't know, had never met, and who were thousands of miles away were being oppressed, forced into slave labor, and even killed.

I stood up, spoke out, and took action. I did not remain silent.

This is what's needed to end racism and hate. This is what ARCC is about.

We need people who normally don't say anything, who don't stand up, speak out, or take action. People who are fortunate enough to be able to do so must use that opportunity. People who are struggling and whose lives are directly at risk may not have the same ability to speak out safely. Those of us who are more fortunate need to do our part.

We cannot remain silent.

That's why Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. spoke so often about the danger of silence. If you look through his speeches and quotes, one theme appears again and again: the harm caused by remaining silent in the face of injustice.

Here are four of his quotes on this subject:

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

"He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."

And finally:

"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people, but the silence over that by the good people."

In the previous episode, I profiled former German Chancellor Angela Merkel. No one would confuse her public-speaking style with that of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. She wasn't a passionate, engaging speaker in the same way. But you don't have to be one to take action.

What's most important about Angela Merkel, as I explained in that episode, is that she took real action despite significant pushback from the people she led in Germany, criticism across Europe, and opposition from people around the world.

She stood up against racism and hate by welcoming approximately 1.7 million brown, Black, and Muslim refugees into Germany.

The late human rights champion Janetta Sagan also refused to remain silent.

She grew up in Italy during Mussolini's fascist government. Her father, a Catholic doctor, was captured and killed by Mussolini's followers. Her mother, also a doctor and Jewish, was captured and sent to Auschwitz, where she was killed in the gas chambers.

Yet Janetta did not remain silent. At just 17 years old, she began a lifelong commitment to standing up, speaking out, and taking action against oppression. Even after she was captured, tortured, and repeatedly raped for several years before eventually escaping, she continued her mission.

She spoke out against racism, hate, and oppression in the United States, Europe, South and Central America, and South Africa.

Janetta Sagan once said, "Silence in the face of injustice is complicity with the oppressor."

In 2019, I had the great honor—one of the greatest honors of my life—of meeting the late Judy Meisel.

Judy spent much of her life speaking out, standing up, and taking action against hatred and racism. During World War II, she and her family were captured by the Nazis in their small village in Lithuania and taken to Auschwitz concentration camp. Her family was tortured and forced into slave labor, and all her family members except Judy were murdered there.

She told me that she and her mother were once standing in line for the gas chamber. Her mother begged a guard to remove Judy from the line because she was still a young girl and could do more work for them. The guard listened and dragged Judy away. As she watched, she had to endure the agony of seeing her mother sent into the gas chamber to be killed.

Judy was freed by the Allies when Auschwitz was liberated and eventually moved to America. There, she witnessed racism much like the racism she had seen in Europe under the Nazis, and she fought against it.

She once described an experience from the 1960s, when a Black family moved into her neighborhood. The neighbors protested outside the family's home, trying to make them feel unwelcome. They threw things at the windows and attempted to drive the family out.

Judy went into her home and baked an apple pie. Then she walked through the protesters, brought the pie to the family, hugged each member, and welcomed them. She made it clear to everyone that she stood with the family and refused to let what had happened to her happen to them.

When I asked whether she blamed Hitler for what happened to her and her family, she explained that what Hitler did had physically hurt her, and that it was horrible and inhuman. But he had been saying what he intended to do for a long time. Everyone knew what was coming.

What hurt her most, she said, was the rest of the world. People saw what was happening, yet they remained silent and did not intervene until after six million people had been killed.

Donzel Leggett: Our objective at ARCC is to build a racism-free world. We know this may sound like an impossible dream, but we believe we can achieve it through our mission of providing inspiration, education, and support so people can transform, practice, and spread anti-racism—one person at a time, one family at a time, one friend group at a time.

We know this is difficult. It will take effort, persistence, and resilience. But our members commit to taking on this challenge and, at a pace that feels appropriate for them, standing up, speaking out, and taking action.

It doesn't matter what you did yesterday, last year, in 2016, or in 2020. What matters is what you choose to do now.

You cannot stand against racism and hate, call yourself anti-racist, and consider yourself a good person while refusing to stand up, speak out, or take action. You have to do something to end racism and hate. You have to do what's right when you become aware.

This is what ARCC is all about.

Please visit our website and listen to the podcast. This is the fourth episode of Season 2. There are 12 episodes in Season 1—16 in total, if my math is correct—and there's a lot of content available.

Watch The Deep Dive talk show. Attend our Community in Action events, and visit our website to explore recordings of past events. Follow us on social media and subscribe to our newsletter.

Later this summer, we're also working on a curriculum-based program to train our members and anyone who wants to learn how to begin their journey toward becoming anti-racist. Please look for that in the coming months.

Most importantly, my daughters gave me feedback, and I listened. Please connect with us, get to know us, and give us your feedback. Just as I listened to my daughters, we will listen to you.

To build a world free of racism and hate, we need you.

Visit joinarcc.org to learn more about ARCC, donate to our cause, and join the movement that will change the world.

I look forward to our next episode and another opportunity to inspire you to become part of the movement that will change the world by eradicating racism once and for all.

Until next time, stay safe and continue to ask yourself, "Am I doing enough?" Remember that none of us are doing enough as long as racism and hate still exist.

Thanks for listening, and goodbye.

The ARCC of Change podcast with Donzel Leggett is brought to you by the Anti-Racism Commitment Coalition. To learn more about ARCC, donate to our cause, and join the coalition, visit joinarcc.org.

Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss an episode, and share this podcast to help spread our mission to change the world by ending racism once and for all.

Thanks for listening. Until next time, stay safe and be inspired.